Two Frog Home

Originally posted on Simple Katie on November 22, 2006.

Yesterday, I went with my good friend to visit a local herbalist/reflexologist. I’ve been to this healer once before though it’s been several years ago when I was having some problems with bone spurs on my feet. She’s a great woman who instantly makes you feel loved when you enter her home. She takes good care of the folks who come to visit her and yesterday was no exception when she talked with my friend regarding her health issue.

We were there about an hour total and during that hour, laughed alot. That in and of itself, lifted my friend’s spirits, perhaps more so then the pratical advice. My friend has another appointment in a few weeks for a full treatement involving reflexology. Having been through this treatment, I know my friend is in for a wonderfully healing and loving experience. Though I already know this to be true, it was driven home for me again yesterday: love and laughter have much to do with healing perhaps more so then the herbs and treatments themselves. (Disclaimer: I’m not saying that medicines, herbs, and other medical procedures aren’t necessary - just that they should be complimented with love and laughter.)

At one point during the conversation - we discussed how the three of us ladies were not “normal” at least not in the mainstream sense of the word and how comfortable we were with that. The herbalist made this statement, “I don’t dabble in normal.” It was an off-hand comment but I thought it was a great philosophy. The more I thought about it the more I realized, the people I’m closest too, the blogs I read and enjoy the most, etc. all don’t dabble in normalcy - instead they live life as it seems most natural to them without apology. I wish that was celebrated more on the news then what celebrity couples sex tape was recently released, or who married who as a publicity stunt. Ok, that may not ever become a reality but it’s a nice dream to have.

In honor of the approaching Thanksgiving Holiday, I’m thankful for all the bloggers who don’t dabble in normal and who in turn give me the inspiration, practical knowledge, and courage to live the simple life I do.

Today has been a rollercoaster of a day.  We still haven’t heard if the seller’s bank has approved the contract, so while the house feels like its ours, it isn’t officially yet, no matter how good it all looks to everyone.  The day was full of swings from overjoyed to completely down in the dumps.  I’d think we were all clear then realize the house might not be ours in a month, oy it was terrible.  Then when I was at my most overwhelmed, saddest point of the day, the phone rang at work and it was my dear Jeff.  It never ceases to amaze me how just the sound of his voice can change everything for me.  He’s my best friend and my biggest earthly comfort and I’m so grateful. 

I kept thinking about how lucky I was, and I remembered this post from Simple Katie, originally posted on October 4, 2006.  It was a good reminder to bring it over here.  It’s also appropriate considering our 8 year anniversary is in just 12 days.

While talking with several single friends last week, “you’re so lucky,” was said to me. The luck being discussed was that I’m happily involved with Jeff and have been for some time now. While I agree I am lucky, it’s not only about luck there’s so much more to it in my opinion. I’ve been thinking about this luck and my life the last few days.

A great amount of luck had to fall into place for Jeff and I to meet; that is absolutely the truth. But really, in my opinion the luck ends there. Everything else has taken place because of love, commitment, dedication, and work. In the beginning, we both shared dreams, goals, things we didn’t want from life, past experiences, and so much more so that when we made the leap to commitment we knew what we could expect from a life together. That was honest work that built our love which led to our commitment.

The bond between us grew quickly and I was head over heels in love with him within 2 weeks. There was no denying my affection for him; I mailed him handmade cookies every week with love letters and much more. How could his love for me not grow, with those kinds of packages? It was very much a fairytale type love. A love that was all encompassing and wonderful. The kind of love that only allows you to think of the loved one and little else. The kind of love that leaves you in a constant glow and smile.

When we made the decision that I would move to Montana with him, we sold just about everything I owned and fit what we could in my car and drove back to Montana together (he’d flown into Pittsburgh). The fairytale love while it still exists can’t be maintained constantly at least in my experience. But the love we do have is better then that fairytale love because it’s backed by a deep commitment and dedication to each other and the life and lifestyle we share. It’s the commitment that makes our life real to me, it’s the commitment I crave because the commitment deepens my dedication and love to him as my soul mate.

Honestly, there have been times in the last 6 years when I’ve thought I don’t know that I’m cut out for this - I don’t know if I can be the woman he needs/wants, I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc. However, in those thoughts it’s has never crossed my mind that I would leave or that he would leave. That’s commitment and that’s love, unconditional, fairytale love. He puts up with me when I’m less than gracious. I put up with him when he’s cranky. It’s in those moments of realizing he’s not the prince on the white horse, and I’m not the grateful sleeping beauty, that love and commitment are born. It’s in those moments that a relationship is defined. It’s in those moments where you can define your partner’s truest self and your own. It’s in those moments that you decide how much you want/need/love your partner.

It’s easy to love when everything’s perfect or when you feel like it - it takes work, commitment, and dedication to act in a loving manner when he’s cranky or when you just want to be left alone. I can honestly say that my love for Jeff is stronger and better now then it was 6 years ago, it’s not that dreamy head in the clouds love, but it’s the realistic committed love that in my opinion is way better.

Am I lucky? Absolutely, but I’m also dedicated and willing to work hard for what I want. When I was single I wasn’t willing to settle either and neither was Jeff and because of that we both got what we wanted and in the end that was each other. Thankfully all that honesty in the beginning paid off; to something I don’t know how I could live without.

I don’t live my life in ignorant bliss.  However, there are times when I daydream about doing just that.  Once you start to get educated about voluntary simplicity, frugality, genetically modified foods, sustainable choices, peak oil, etc. etc. its hard to close your eyes and go on living in ignorant bliss.  Sometimes, though it seems like it’d be easier, albeit irresponsible.

I’m very comfortable with my life and choices, however; I am aware that as I continue to learn and grow there are new depths to pursue.  I enjoy being challenged which is probably why I enjoy the new depths and levels of my various life choices, however; every now and then I just want to take the easy way out and not think about it.  I don’t want to think about whether or not what I’m doing is kind or responsible or wise - I just want to do it.  Don’t you just see the teenager stomping her feet, “I want what I want and I want it now!”?   

There are times when I don’t want to scrape the last morsel of peanut butter out of the jar before opening the next one.  Even though it’d be wasteful on so many different levels.  I don’t want to think about the money or food waste, I just want to take the lazy way out.  I never do, however; because I just can’t let myself, once Pandora’s box has been opened there’s no putting everything back.  However, we can’t tackle everything at once, so perhaps it comes down to educated choice.

I see people all around me living in ignorant bliss, and they seem happy.  But that’s the rub isn’t it?  They seem happy.  Is ignorance ever really bliss?  I’d venture to say, rarely.  Sometimes during family dramas I’d rather just not know, but other than that, I doubt that ignorance for any sustained period of time can lead to sustained bliss.

With every bit of research and knowledge comes choices.  I can choose to be ignorant of the treatment of factory raised, hormone filled chickens and save a bit of money (and not worry about using the bones for stock, etc.) or I can choose to eat meat less often and spend the money on locally raised humanely treated organic chickens for a bit more (and not waste one little bit, by making stock, eating all leftovers, etc.).  Sometimes choices are made for us, based on circumstances and budgets.  I understand that, but that’s not the focus of this rambling little rant.  

These choices vary for everyone because we’re all at different levels of knowledge and experience.  There is also a line in the sand for many of us.  We’re willing to do “this”, but not “that”, or our partners aren’t willing.  We get to a point where we just can’t figure out how to go any deeper as well.  I’ve been there: I know what’s its like to get to a point where you just can’t cross that next line (toilet rags instead of paper is a path I’m just not ready to travel, yet for instance).  I want goats, Jeff doesn’t.  We’re very frugal, I don’t simply see where we could cut back without compromising other priorities (like local & organic).  I do believe it is important, however; to tackle each item as you can and to take each item one step at a time.  It can be overwhelming, heart wrenching, and sometimes frightening not to mention hard and sometimes completely foreign to chose “this” over “that”.

The biggest choice of all, however; is to remain ignorantly blissful or to get educated.  I don’t truly believe that’s an either / or type of question.  I believe we can be blissfully educated.  I believe I’m getting there, educated I mean, I’m blissful.  I think we have to choose education and work that we love and be good at it, while realizing we can’t accomplish every single thing in a day, a week, a year, or a lifetime.  That’s hard for me, I want to get everything accomplished, but sometimes its good to remember that so much of life is in the journey not the destination.  That needs to be my choice today, focus on the journey not the destination or what needs accomplished to get to that destination.

100 Things :: 11) I bring my lunch.

I almost called this one - I brown bag it.  However, I bring my lunches in beautiful, reusable handmade tote bags, not the disposable plain brown paper sacks.

I do bring my lunch to work everyday and I pack Jeff’s too.  We also pack our lunches when we go for hikes, scenic drives, various festivals, etc.  It just seems a better way to ensure our health and our frugal nature.   It also seems the most ethical way to keep disposable items from getting into landfills.

Our lunches are pretty standard - soups in winter, salads in summer.  We usually have some kind of fruit, fresh in season, home canned when not in season.  We pack wraps and sandwiches on occasion.  We don’t generally have leftovers for lunch, however; because we save those for dinner.  I like to include homemade bread, biscuits, muffins, etc when I can as well.

I like packing Jeff’s lunch too in that I find it a great way to connect with him in the middle of a hectic work day even when we aren’t eating a meal together.  Occasionally I tuck a little love note or treat in his bag too, just because.

I’m grateful for my little tote bag sitting in the office kitchen/break room because its an insurance policy of a little bit of home in my office.  It’s also a promise of a healthy nourishing break mid-day to just rejuvenate and in some small way reconnect with my love.

I’ve known for a long time, a very long time, that I don’t quite fit into most molds.  I don’t fit the standards for most “groups” people want to classify me in: 30something, gardener, environmentalist, hippie, professional, small business owner, Christian, etc. etc.  I never fit molds during those awkward teenage years, either, thankfully the angst of not quite fitting in, has alleviated over time.

I’m quite comfortable in my own skin and I am blessed with a small circle of very good friends and of course, there’s Jeff, who appreciate the me that I am.  Thankfully, these folks love me for my quirks and for the fact that I don’t fit most molds and can just be me.  Honestly, these same folks don’t fit any particular molds either which is probably why we all get along even in our vast differences.  Sadly most of us are scattered and time spent together is frightfully short.

However, no matter how comfortable I may be in my own skin, rejection does still hurt now and then.  Most of the time, I’m all too happy to accept people not liking my inability to fit my rather square self into round holes.  Honestly, I don’t want to be surrounded by people who can’t be tolerant and loving.  It’s just not my groove.  What does sting, a little, however; is when I think I may have met someone who I’d like to get to know better but something about me doesn’t fit into their idea of who I am or one ideal doesn’t quite match up and they dismiss me.  Whether its because I’m a Christian who isn’t a Republican (or a Democrat), or because I’m a 30something with no children, or because I don’t wear orange, etc.  it hurts when people pick one difference and disregard the many things we may have in common and decide that I’m not a person worth getting to know.  

For the most part, I believe I can be rather accepting and loving of folks and I try very hard to look for similiarities not differences so that I can create a warm community around me.  I know, I know, the world at large doesn’t behave that way and that is so sad.  My father would tell me here, that I need to leave the 100 hundred acre and Pooh behind.  For the record, he’s the one that taught me to walk to the beat of my own drummer, heaven knows he’s done it his whole life (thanks dad!).

So today, I’m a little downtrodden over what could have been, and I know that’s no way to spend my life either.  I’m also sad because I know that I’m such a homebody that I don’t always make a good friend, but it sucks when I don’t even get the chance to try.

In the end, though, I’m left wondering about building community.  Can I do it?  Can I build a community of folks who focus on similiarities and not differences and who act as a community members to each other?  What’s a girl to do? 

Jeff needed to run to town to look for a new light fixture for one that blew out this morning.  I tagged along and we decided to check the thrift stores before going to the hardware store for the needed fixture.  We scored in more ways than one, Jeff found a great light fixture for $1.50 and I found 69 canning jars for $5.00 (a mixture of wide mouth & regular pints and quarts)! 

I must say that’s a God thing.  I let my desires for more self-sufficiency and the needed jars be known and low and behold the jars appeared.  I’m grateful, honestly, I rarely find jars at the thrift store, they always seem to be scooped up before I get there. 

Further along the thrifty score line, Jeff snagged an older KitchenAid mixer at a yard sale yesterday for $10.  The mixer had its bowl but no paddles or attachments.  It works wonderfully, and will most likely be used for my grain grinding adventures.  The grain mill seems hard on the mixer, this way we’ll have something as a back up.

Tomorrow is the annual AAUW book sale bargain day - $3 a sack for used books, we’ll be hitting that too.  Sometimes thrifty scores can be just the thing to lift the spirits.  That and lots of gorgeous sunshine and temperatures in the 60s, finally. 

I was visiting over at Moonmeadow Farm earlier today, she always has interesting news tidbits on her sidebar.  Today, I read a good bit of the ones she had posted, including several on recession/depression and rising food prices.  All of which go hand in hand with my thoughts on self-sufficiency and the need to be more so.

Do I believe, Jeff and I will see a time where we don’t shop at stores? No.  I don’t know that we’ll ever have the kind of property necessary to raise everything we need, especially grain.  However, I do believe we can work on growing and preserving as much of our own as possible.  I also believe we can work on bartering and buying from within our own community.

The folks over at Path to Freedom, have been doing a lot of writing about the need for a resurgence of the victory gardens concept.  I understand gardening is a lot of work and its not work everyone enjoys (unlike the gardening addict that I am).  However, with the price of food and fuel these days, I don’t know how long many people can hold out before gardening becomes more than a hobby and it becomes necessary for survival. 

For me, everything starts at home.  Home is more than just the building I live in, home is my heart, it is the center of my love with Jeff, simply home is everything.  So what can I do beyond gardening and canning?  Jeff is fond of saying “its time to tighten up the belt,” and while I think we already have the belt pretty tight, we can and should do more.  Frugality isn’t about deprivation in my mind, however; a person does need to learn the difference between deprivation and making do.  In learning to be more frugal and making do with what we have, we can be more prepared to not only help ourselves in times of struggle, but also help others, and donate to more worthy causes.  We can buy more food for the food pantry, spend money on necessities for shelters, etc.  We can grow an extra bit of food and donate the saved seeds.  We can do all this from home and maybe, soften the blow of whatever this way comes for us and those around us.  And if it doesn’t soften the blow, at least we’ll have given it a shot from home and have done our best to take care of ourselves. 

Last week one of our local grocery chains had their biannual case lot sale.  The sale is exactly what it sounds like, good deals on entire cases of goods, traditionally its things like canned veggies, bottled water, sugar, all purpose flour, canned chili, ramen noodles, etc.  Looking at our depleted pantry we decided to take advantage of a few of the deals - mostly we bought canned green beans, corn, peas, and mushrooms.  We also got some 4 gallons of distilled water for $2.50 (I only use distilled water for ironing and my new iron really puts out the steam hence the water needs refilled often).  We don’t buy things like canned chili or cases of condensed cream of mushroom soup.

The deal on canned veggies was good and a case of each gets us a long way until we can start harvesting some of our own again.  I do always feel a little guilty about stocking up on these non-local, non-organic goods, however my pocket book thanks me and it is always good to know that we have a well stocked pantry, just in case.  The purchase did remind me of how much further we have to go in producing and canning more of our own and/or locally grown goods.  

Our growing season is so short here, and I’m learning to do with it what I can, but oh I’m so jealous of all of you who are already planting outside.  We’re still getting snow.  Jeff and I canned a good bit of stuff last summer (check out my pantry building page), but we have a long way to go to get us through an entire Montana winter.  I need more jars, too (honestly I can’t believe I’m saying that - I can’t imagine how many jars a large family must need).  I’ll be on the lookout for those as soon as yard sale season begins in another month.  I like to can more than freeze simply because freezing requires a stable power source, and I’m not sure we’ll always have that, freezing also requires a lot of freezer space, obviously and that isn’t something I want to invest in (see my thoughts on not always having power).  I don’t dry enough foods and that is something I may start dabbling in again this summer.

This winter just seems especially long to me, and I’m experiencing my own version of cabin fever.  Cabin fever seems to be expressing itself in the fear of not being self-sufficient enough alongside the urge to just start digging in the dirt and getting my hands dirty.  The upside is the daylight hours are getting longer and longer (that is something that is so sublime about Montana summers).  Even more on the upside is that seeds are started indoors and soon, I’ll be canning again.  

PS: I’m starting to think folks who practice home canning have their own seasons - preparing to can, canning, and eating the canned goods.

Here in Northwest Montana, we still have a ways to go before its officially spring no matter what the calendar might say.  However, today was a wonderful day in the 40s with sunshine.  We spent a good bit of time outside, cleaning out perennial beds, pruning raspberry canes, and just generally soaking up those rays.  We spotted tulips, daffodils, and rhubarb peaking out of the soil, that’s definitely a nice spring sign.

Last summer we bought two large bags of Feline Pine at a charity yard sale.  Our cats just didn’t take to it for whatever reason.  The bag mentioned that the litter made excellent mulch and so we dumped both bags onto the daffodil and tulip beds.  It does make a very nice mulch, though its not something I would normally buy or have on hand.

Before we went outside, I spent some time baking this morning.  My first attempt at sourdough bread was a complete flop - I have a good sense when it comes to bread and while the one recipe I was using just didn’t “feel” right to me, I followed it anyway, sadly the bread didn’t turn out at all.  Next week, we’ll try again.  I also made some miniature loaves of pumpernickel to give as samples to a few folks who buy bread from me on occasion. 

Jeff and I don’t eat a ton of beef, but we do have it now and then.  We also occasionally use beef broth in soups, however; its something I’ve never attempted to make until yesterday.  We’ve been saving beef bones for months now, and freezing them.  I took those frozen bones out of the freezer yesterday, filled a giant stock pot with water, added some carrots, onions, and celery and let the whole pot simmer for hours.  Then I drained all the solids out and put the stock in the refrigerator overnight.  This morning, I skimmed off the solidified fat, reboiled the stock and canned it.  I tasted a bit of the broth and it turned out well.  I’m looking forward to using this in some soups in the near future.

Not bad for a Sunday, I’d say.

In the car last week, I stumbled across a parenting show on the radio.  Normally I would have turned it off rather immediately, because I’m not a parent, but something apparently caught my attention and I listened for a while.  The message was based on this idea that every day and everything you do as a parent has one of two effects either: 1) it strengthens your relationship with your child or 2) it weakens your relationship with your child. 

I thought on that for a while and decided to apply that principle to my life and goals in general.  If I think about that before making any decision, it’s actually quite powerful.  I’m going to try and focus on those questions when faced with any new opportunity or decision: Is it going to strengthen or weaken any of my goals or relationships?  If the answer isn’t a decided yes it will strengthen something, then I need to look at that very closely.  For the record, I don’t believe this means all work and no play, in fact, I believe its a stronger case for more fun/play because in doing so it strengthens my relationships with loved ones and God.

I think this idea behind strengthening and weakening also calls for action.  I have to do rather than think about or read about doing.  I need to keep my focus small, not read every journal in the blogosphere for ideas but rather put ideas into action and use that action to serve.  I need to be sure that in making decisions and taking actions to strengthen things that those things serve God, the goals Jeff and I have for our life, and my fellow human beings and the planet.  Every minute I spend reading about how someone else lives their life, keeps their home/garden, cooks, studies scripture, etc. and comparing myself to that is a minute I might waste.  I tend to spend too much time doing that - reading and surfing blogs instead of finding and applying the really good lessons to my life.  I’m learning that if I keep my focus small, read only the journals of folks I’ve gotten to know on some level or who have consistently inspired me, I’m much better prepared to do rather than read about doing. 

The interesting thing is that the smaller my focus, the larger my growth and joy.  Life can’t be joyous 100% of the time, that’s not reality, but if I can focus on God, my Jeff and other loved ones, and not focus on comparing my life with others, I can be content in my reality.  That contentment leads me to wanting more and looking for ways to protect that contentment and strengthen the ways I go about achieving my goals.  In the end, I have no doubt that stumbling upon that radio program was a bit of Divine intervention/inspiration, and for that I’m very grateful.