I’ve known for a long time, a very long time, that I don’t quite fit into most molds.  I don’t fit the standards for most “groups” people want to classify me in: 30something, gardener, environmentalist, hippie, professional, small business owner, Christian, etc. etc.  I never fit molds during those awkward teenage years, either, thankfully the angst of not quite fitting in, has alleviated over time.

I’m quite comfortable in my own skin and I am blessed with a small circle of very good friends and of course, there’s Jeff, who appreciate the me that I am.  Thankfully, these folks love me for my quirks and for the fact that I don’t fit most molds and can just be me.  Honestly, these same folks don’t fit any particular molds either which is probably why we all get along even in our vast differences.  Sadly most of us are scattered and time spent together is frightfully short.

However, no matter how comfortable I may be in my own skin, rejection does still hurt now and then.  Most of the time, I’m all too happy to accept people not liking my inability to fit my rather square self into round holes.  Honestly, I don’t want to be surrounded by people who can’t be tolerant and loving.  It’s just not my groove.  What does sting, a little, however; is when I think I may have met someone who I’d like to get to know better but something about me doesn’t fit into their idea of who I am or one ideal doesn’t quite match up and they dismiss me.  Whether its because I’m a Christian who isn’t a Republican (or a Democrat), or because I’m a 30something with no children, or because I don’t wear orange, etc.  it hurts when people pick one difference and disregard the many things we may have in common and decide that I’m not a person worth getting to know.  

For the most part, I believe I can be rather accepting and loving of folks and I try very hard to look for similiarities not differences so that I can create a warm community around me.  I know, I know, the world at large doesn’t behave that way and that is so sad.  My father would tell me here, that I need to leave the 100 hundred acre and Pooh behind.  For the record, he’s the one that taught me to walk to the beat of my own drummer, heaven knows he’s done it his whole life (thanks dad!).

So today, I’m a little downtrodden over what could have been, and I know that’s no way to spend my life either.  I’m also sad because I know that I’m such a homebody that I don’t always make a good friend, but it sucks when I don’t even get the chance to try.

In the end, though, I’m left wondering about building community.  Can I do it?  Can I build a community of folks who focus on similiarities and not differences and who act as a community members to each other?  What’s a girl to do?