April 16, 2008
I’ve known for a long time, a very long time, that I don’t quite fit into most molds. I don’t fit the standards for most “groups” people want to classify me in: 30something, gardener, environmentalist, hippie, professional, small business owner, Christian, etc. etc. I never fit molds during those awkward teenage years, either, thankfully the angst of not quite fitting in, has alleviated over time.
I’m quite comfortable in my own skin and I am blessed with a small circle of very good friends and of course, there’s Jeff, who appreciate the me that I am. Thankfully, these folks love me for my quirks and for the fact that I don’t fit most molds and can just be me. Honestly, these same folks don’t fit any particular molds either which is probably why we all get along even in our vast differences. Sadly most of us are scattered and time spent together is frightfully short.
However, no matter how comfortable I may be in my own skin, rejection does still hurt now and then. Most of the time, I’m all too happy to accept people not liking my inability to fit my rather square self into round holes. Honestly, I don’t want to be surrounded by people who can’t be tolerant and loving. It’s just not my groove. What does sting, a little, however; is when I think I may have met someone who I’d like to get to know better but something about me doesn’t fit into their idea of who I am or one ideal doesn’t quite match up and they dismiss me. Whether its because I’m a Christian who isn’t a Republican (or a Democrat), or because I’m a 30something with no children, or because I don’t wear orange, etc. it hurts when people pick one difference and disregard the many things we may have in common and decide that I’m not a person worth getting to know.
For the most part, I believe I can be rather accepting and loving of folks and I try very hard to look for similiarities not differences so that I can create a warm community around me. I know, I know, the world at large doesn’t behave that way and that is so sad. My father would tell me here, that I need to leave the 100 hundred acre and Pooh behind. For the record, he’s the one that taught me to walk to the beat of my own drummer, heaven knows he’s done it his whole life (thanks dad!).
So today, I’m a little downtrodden over what could have been, and I know that’s no way to spend my life either. I’m also sad because I know that I’m such a homebody that I don’t always make a good friend, but it sucks when I don’t even get the chance to try.
In the end, though, I’m left wondering about building community. Can I do it? Can I build a community of folks who focus on similiarities and not differences and who act as a community members to each other? What’s a girl to do?
April 16, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I feel so much the same way you’re describing, and I discuss that with my husband quite often.
For the record, you’re just the sort of person I’d love to spend time with in person, Kathie, given the opportunity and less geographical distance.
It’s odd sometimes…the more we feel comfortable in our own skins, I guess I expect that others do, too, and appreciating that in each other…our differences, rather than just what we have in common, I think, are some of the things most unique in the best of friendships.
So glad to know you across the miles!
April 16, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I feel like I don’t fit in either by most people’s standards either…
I wish people were more tolerant and loving!
It is our differences that make us special and unique…
I think that the world would be a boring place if everyone was just like me…
April 16, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I’ve always marched to my own drummer too. There’s too many different aspects to life to fit into one peg! And the answer to your question is yes…community is possible. Just continue to be an example to others by looking for similarities. And you do have community…think of all the fabulous people you ARE blessed by. It is the loss of this particular individual to not get to know you…..but there will be others for you to get to know!
April 17, 2008 at 4:48 am
I’ve found a stronger sense of community online than I have in my in-person community. There are others who are similar in mind-set to me, but we’re all busy at home and in the garden, rather than doing things like “girls night out” or cruising the mall together. *grin* I feel sorry for the person who missed being your friend. She doesn’t know what she is missing!
April 17, 2008 at 5:53 am
You’ve asked some excellent questions of which I would love to know the answer!
I echo all of your commenters’ sentiments: I, too, have always felt that I was different and a “square peg”, but, like you, I accept and believe in other people’s differences and am saddened when others can seem so uncaring, ungiving, even judgemental.
I don’t want to take over you post here with a giant comment, but I will mention that I had a similar experience with someone I thought was a good friend. She broke up with her finance and moved away and I never heard from her again. I stopped by her sister’s house oneday because her car was there. She acted friendly and took my phone number (had she lost it????). And then I never heard from her again. I guess I gave up on the friendship after that, but I have often wondered about the rejection. Was it something I said? Was it because I had a small child (I had mine later in life-she doesn’t even know about Lyndon-and her boys were already grown)? What did I do wrong? It bothered me for a longtime.
Specific to you, I have always considered you to be one of my most open-minded online buddies. You accept the lack of faith and hope I sometimes (ok, often) fall victim to (and give me such warm, loving comments that makes me rethink so many things). If you were local to me, I would bet money that you would call now and then to see how I was feeling (it wouldn’t be a one-way friendship, in other words). I agree that this “friend” has no idea what she is missing!!!
April 17, 2008 at 6:56 am
I’ll be your friend! And I’m in real life! Sounds like we might be a bit of a drive away from each other, but it would be fun to hang out and learn more about each other once in a while.
Jessica
April 17, 2008 at 9:06 am
I like that we peoples are different. It’s the difference in us that make us unique and interesting.
I have friends that I am just nuts about! We have fun together and we are not very much alike at all! I even wonder what they see in me.
So life is like that.
I even have had a long time good friendship go sour and that makes my heart sad.
Life is like that.
Let’s just make the best of it
and i think the place to start is
liking ourselves first!
April 21, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I described myself the other day as a hippie hillbilly housewife. I thought it was pretty fitting. You may use it as well if you think it works…
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