Farewell flowers sent to me from a sub-contractor / partner agency I worked closely with for the last 5 years.

Today is my last day at my current job, the job I’ve had for more or less the last 6 years.  I’m actually employed through March 28th, but am using my 12 sick days to finish out the month.  I’ve had a few months to process the loss am now just ready for it to be over, and for the next step to begin.  I’m no longer angry, sad, or fearful.  I am just ready and excited.  Excited for what comes next and it seems I needed for this phase to be over to fully be ready for whatever does come next because nothing has been completely solidified yet, though there seems to be several possibilities on the horizon.  

I’ve had a few job interviews in the last few months and another scheduled for tomorrow.  I’ve been contacted by several folks interested in hiring me as an independent contractor to do some bookkeeping and personal assistant work.  It seems, I have nothing to fear.  While I always knew that on a rational level, I needed to see it and feel it on an emotional level and that took time.  My dear Jeff, as always, has been incredibly wonderful and supportive.  He’s had to remind me daily it seems, that we are in a good position right now - we’ve planned and saved for just this kind of event.  It’s sad how many times, he’s had to repeat it for me to truly accept it.  There have been a lot of great lessons in letting go, trusting, planning, and dreaming lately.

Oh the dreaming!  Jeff and I have been dreaming, scheming, and planning lately.  What else do we want to do?  Where else would we want to go?  What can we do?  What can’t we do?  It’s been a fun time of just talking and dreaming and letting wild ideas come flowing out of our hearts, minds, and mouths.  The intial fear of losing a job and income have been replaced with joyful free-thinking and old-fashioned excitement.   Good things are coming and while we don’t know what those good things are, we have no doubt that they are on the horizon.  No matter what comes, we’re ready.  We’re watching for signs, talking, dreaming, and preparing for that next door to open.

Of course, there’s no shortage of things to do, until that door opens.  Who has time to work, really?  There’s gardening, canning, sewing, cooking, loving, laughing, reading, and hugging to do.  Ok, in all seriousness, there are a multitude of chores to do and it seems my to do list doubles every day as I plan for some “free” time.  I’m ready for what comes next, but will make sure to take advantage of all the time I’m being given now.

I’m grateful for this opportunity and while its taken a few months for me to get to that point, I’m glad I’m here now.